Change

This week has been a big week both in terms of language development and, more generally, in terms of life development. I named this blog the way I did because I knew there would be change, and lots of it during this year so far away from home. In many ways, I thought that because I knew that the change was coming it wouldn't be such a big deal. Before I left, I had spoken to friends, family, and professors about the sort of experiences I would have here. Most of those conversations centered around the language development and culture, not necessarily the personal changes that have occurred since I've been here. I knew all about the stages of culture shock that I would experience after several lectures from friends and professors at Agnes Scott. If you've been reading the blog, you've seen me go through three of the five stages, from Honeymoon to Negotiation to Adjustment, which is where I'd say I am now. I probably won't experience all five stages since I'm only in France for ten months. My point is that I thought I understood what I was getting in to. But it tuns out that my mother was right, like she nearly always is. This experience has and will continue to change me in unexpected ways, and I will return to the States a year older and a million experiences later a very different person than who I was when I left.
One of the best changes I've noticed particularly this week is the huge leaps I've taken in my language skills. A large part of that is due to the French language and writing workshop I've been taking from my study abroad program. I've gushed about it before, but I'm feeling a need to gush some more. It is taught by fifty-something French lady who is very cool. She is one of those people who was born to teach. She's very smart, but smart people are sometimes unable to teach successfully. Thankfully that is not true in her case. If the class were taught by someone else, it probably wouldn't be nearly as helpful for one reason. The professor has an intimate understanding of both the English and French languages. She's a native French speaker, but has nearly perfect English. I've had really great French teachers in the past, but I've found that sometimes they know French grammar better than English grammar, even though English is their native tongue. It sounds odd, but is sometimes true. I've also had at least one native-speaking French professor whose English was not as good as it should have been. What does English grammar have to do with teaching French? At this stage in the game, an awful lot.

This is my sixth year of studies in French; at this point, I've taken all the grammar classes and have a general understanding of most aspects of French grammar. I'm not saying at all that I don't make grammatical mistakes in French. I do. All the time. But when I'm corrected, I know immediately what mistake I've made; there's no need to teach me a grammatical concept, I understand what I did wrong and probably won't make that mistake again. This class was designed for English students of French at my level. It's all about filling in the little holes in our studies. We may spend thirty minutes discussing the usage of a very specific word that Anglophones misuse or are unaware of. Last week, we spent some time discussing travel words in very specific situations. A quick example: in French, to say you walked on the beach, you use the preposition "à", which is used in a multitude of situations generally translated as "to". But to say you walked to the beach in French, you would use the word "jusqu'à", which means "until". We talk about all sorts of Anglicisms as well as idiomatic use of French phrases in everyday French conversation. That in itself is great. But what's even greater is that when the class is over and we walk out of the door, within the next few hours or days we will almost certainly be presented with a situation out in the real world to use whatever we learned that week in a conversation with a real French person. And that's how you get it to stick. In conjunction with that class and the total immersion experience, I feel more confident in my French language skills than I ever have before. I can have a conversation with a friend completely in French, give coherent directions to French tourists, and go to a French movie without missing anything too important. I still have a little accent and the French know that it's not my native language, but they very rarely switch to English with me anymore, mainly I think because they can hear that I speak and understand French well. It's an amazing feeling.

On to more personal matters. I've spoken before about the fact that my family is not really the mushy type. When I was in Atlanta, my Mom and I talked about once a week and texted pretty regularly (regularly is used here to describe "normal" correspondance; like twenty-forty texts/week. In my world, five hundred texts in a week is just ridiculous). I talked and texted with my Dad a little less, some with my oldest sister and her family, and little to no contact at all with my other two sisters. While I've been here, there's been even less contact. Not because I'm not on good terms with them, but just because I can't text the States with my phone here and there's not a huge need for it with Facebook these days. I Skype with my Mom and Dad about once every couple of weeks, and Facebook message my Mom in between Skypes. To some people, that may seem like a pretty distant relationship; I assure you, it is not. I think if I talked to my parents and sisters any more than I already do, we'd be in a constant state of hostility. Not because we don't get along, but because we are the sort of people who get annoyed at the constant texting and phone calls and emails etc.

I bring this up because one of the major changes I've noticed in the last few weeks is a lessened need to call/email my parents about the everyday goings-on in my daily life. I've made a life here that is more completely independent of my family than I've ever had. It's not that I don't want them to know what's going on in my life, it's more that I don't really need them to know what's going on. My Mom, who is by far my most regular contact from home, emailed me a couple of days ago saying that I never email her anymore. I've been busy, yes, but I also just feel less of a need to talk everything out with her. I can talk it through with myself and maybe tell her about what's going on later. I'd like to make something very clear here. My mother is a saint. She has been raising children for more than thirty years, always with at least one child at home, at certain points in the past with all four of us living at home. She always makes sure we have everything we need and is always supportive and helpful with anything we decide to do. We are very similar creatures, so sometimes we get along beautifully and other times (not very often these days, but still sometimes) we are at each others' throats. I love my Mom and the rest of my family and don't want this discussion to be construed as any sort of criticism of my family.

I am changing. I can feel it. It's not just the weight loss (which is going really well, by the way), it is the way I think now. Not all of that has to do with being abroad; some of that has to do with my age. I'll be 21 in a few months, and I'm coming to realize that I don't feel like a teenager dressing up in adult clothes anymore. I really am an adult now, leading an adult life with all the freedom and responsibility that entails. But it isn't just about growing up and becoming more independent. It's about the experiences I'm having here everyday, and the changes that are occurring because of those experiences. Like I said, I knew this could be one of the most formative years of my life. But knowing something might happen and actually experiencing it are two very different things. It truly is a year of discovery for a lifetime of change.