Milestones

Last weekend, I turned 21. In the States, that's a major milestone mostly for the drinking age. That's great and all, but it's not one of the things I've been looking forward to for a really long time. I've been able to drink legally here in France since my arrival in August, so to be honest, it wasn't really a big deal. But it was definitely a Birthday to remember. I'm not going to go into much detail here because it wasn't the partying and drinking that's worth remembering. Don't get me wrong, that was fun most of the time. Having a Metro car full of haughty Parisians sing "Happy Birthday" (in French) to me at the exact moment I turned 21 makes a really great story to tell, but that's not what made this Birthday special. It's the thinking I've done in the week since about my life in general; milestones like this one always make me think about where I'm going and what I'm doing, this one in particular because now I really am classified as an adult in pretty much every sense of the word. It's sorta a big deal.



One of my favorite quotes is of course a Harry Potter one. It's one of those great literary quotes that works wonderfully in context, but makes a great life lesson all by itself. "It is our choices, Harry, far more than our abilities that make us who we truly are." I think I read it (or heard it read to me) for the first time when I was six or seven years old, and it has stayed with me all that time. I take that idea seriously, as anyone who really knows me can tell you. I do research before making most choices, sometimes to the point that it annoys the people around me how much I know about the two (or more) choices facing me. I tend to over-think multiple choice questions and almost always do better with an open-ended or essay when it comes to testing. And all of these choices are important to me, because almost every time I make a conscious decision, I hear Dumbledore's voice in my head asking me if this choice is conducive to the sort of person I want to be. I'm not saying I never make rash decisions and do stupid things. I do. We all do. But most of the time, those decisions are made when I'm not thinking clearly and I'm letting my hot head get the better of my good heart.

In the past few years, I've been faced with big decisions that I agonized over for months before finally making a choice. I remember when I started looking at colleges, and being utterly terrified that I would choose the wrong one and end up with a life and career that I didn't want. I was convinced that the choice would color the rest of my life. And I was terrified by that. I had four different schools that I liked equally well in four different cities. My test scores were good enough for any of them, and I had no idea which one was the "right" one for me. After I visited Agnes, the choice was easy. And it was definitely the right one. I bring up all this talk about choices because as I look at my life so far and the years to come, I really do believe that choices make us who we are more than our abilities. I think about the good (and bad) choices I've made in the past, like when I decided to take French in high school even though I'd already satisfied my language graduation requirements with Latin; when I chose to go to a small women's college that almost no one had heard of a thousand miles from home; and more recently, when I chose to pursue a career in teaching rather than something more lucrative but less satisfying. At this milestone, I also think about all the choices that lie ahead of me. Which job to take (though in this economy, I might not have much of a choice), where to live, who I'll marry, and eventually when, how, and with whom I'd like to have children. These choices all lie ahead of me, and I do believe that while there isn't always a wrong choice, the choices we make alter our paths in ways that we often don't realize until we're too far down the path to turn back.

With this milestone, I've also been thinking about what a great time it is for me to be coming of age. I've gotten to be (and hopefully will continue to be) a part of social and political movements that are shaping the changing face of both the US and the world. I marched in Atlanta's Pride march last year and have closely observed the gay marriage and adoption discussion going on here in France right now. I got to attend the inauguration of America's first African-American President. When I go out into the real world next May, I'll be confident in the understanding that my reproductive rights won't be infringed upon by the government (and/or hairy old men in back room deals). I'm coming of age during a time in which any woman, myself included, has access to affordable family planning and the opportunity to defend her country without discrimination. I'm not gay, but I can definitely rejoice in the progress toward a nation where all people are equal and have the right to love openly. I'm coming of age in a time where more people in America support gay marriage than oppose it. Fifty years ago, homosexuality was regarded as a psychiatric condition. A gay man was not permitted by law to have a drink or dance with another man in public. I know that someday, my children or grandchildren will be looking back at the progress of our nation and the world during this time, and they're going to ask me, "Were you part of that?" And I'll be proud to say that I was.

So what's it like to be 21 these days, you ask? It's pretty great. Yes, I'm broke, stretching every last Euro to make it last. No, I don't know if I'll have a job when I graduate in eighteen months. But that doesn't mean it isn't fun. It's empowering to see my own choices and the choices of those around me make this world a better place. And I wouldn't change it for anything.